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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744793">What Light Still Exists</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallYourGirlfriend/pseuds/CallYourGirlfriend'>CallYourGirlfriend</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All The Light We Cannot See [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Codependency, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Infidelity, Past Infidelity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex Work, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:29:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallYourGirlfriend/pseuds/CallYourGirlfriend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tom leans back against the counter and peers at Lizzie as if seeing her for the first time. 'Is this how you did it? Got John to propose to you by caring for his kids and nagging him like a wife?'"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lizzie Stark/John Shelby, Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All The Light We Cannot See [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Light Still Exists</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is part of the series "All The Light We Cannot See," which uses canon to imagine what happens before, sometime in the middle or just after an episode leaves off. It's the light we do not see. It is also purposefully concise; written to fit exactly one Google Doc page.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Coda--4x1 "The Noose"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Somewhere between “John’s dead” and her entire world upending, Lizzie winds up with Charlie. </p><p>She doesn’t know how it happened or for how long. Time stopped with John. But it’s been dark for ages before Tom returns. She finds him in his kitchen, stinking of blood and whiskey. </p><p>He glances back at her from where he’s bent over the hob to light a fag. When he straightens he looks heavy and stiff. Like a puppet whose strings have been cut. “Charlie asleep?” he asks.</p><p>Lizzie nods and crosses her arms over her chest. “He cried for you for hours after I put him down. I feared he’d make himself sick until I realized he deserves to mourn the same as us.” </p><p>Tom shakes his head and sways, not quite steady on his feet. “He didn’t know John.”</p><p>Lizzie doesn’t mention that Charlie knew Grace. That he’ll remember the same queer tension that existed after his mum died is back again. Heavy and inescapable. Endless in its pain. </p><p>Instead she says, “You should eat. I could do you some toast? Help soak up all that drink.”  </p><p>Tom leans back against the counter and peers at Lizzie as if seeing her for the first time. “Is this how you did it? Got John to propose to you by caring for his kids and nagging him like a wife?”  </p><p>Lizzie smarts with old aches. “You’re being cruel to me now because I remind you of him.”</p><p>Tommy scoffs and looks away from her pain. “You think you would have made a good widow?” </p><p>“Compared to you?” Lizzie spits, throwing salt in a wound that refuses to heal. </p><p>Tom’s bloodshot gaze penetrates even through all the smoke. “I’ve always wondered who came first for you, Lizzie? Me or John? Or did you fill your bed with Shelby men and hedge your bet?”  </p><p>Lizzie’s blood runs hot. “John was hurting after France, Tom. He came to me. Same as you.”</p><p>Tom swallows like he’s sick. Drink or maybe not. “... Did you love him?”</p><p>Lizzie doesn’t see how that matters. “He wanted to love me. That was more than you offered.” </p><p>Tom shakes his head as if to clear it. “I never made you any promises Lizzie,” he says. </p><p>Lizzie takes the cigarette from him, bereft of what to do. “Do you want to fuck?” she tries. </p><p>Tom stares at her in what light still exists. “That won’t bring him back, Lizzie. Nothing we do will.”</p>
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